It’s funny… as I consider questions that a birth parent might ask me, I realize that there are a lot of questions I have never really asked myself. Some of the answers I know, but I have never put them in to words-and I never realized how difficult that would be. So, what is our philosophy on parenting?? It is impossible to give a complte answer, but there are definitely some principles that are important to us and guide our decisions as parents.
Love. Obvious, I know. Love is something that guides every parent… but that doesn’t mean we can omit it. I can think of nothing more tragic than a child not knowing with absolute certainty that they are loved unconditionally. Every child should know that they are wanted, and needed, and that when they are a part of a family, the world would all but stop turning for that family if that child were not there. Love means celebrating their smallest victories, wiping their tears, and taking time for them. It means being grateful for every kiss and hug, and not caring how much dirt, slime, or unidentified “sticky” ends up on your shirt. It means watching them do hard things so that they can learn to be stronger. Love means sacrificing everything for your children, and knowing (maybe even hoping) they will never fully realize everything you have done for them.
Faith. I am going to risk offending some people by saying that our faith is important to us. Ok, not just important… Our faith is the foundation of our family. We believe in Jesus Christ. We love Him. As imperfect as we are, we try to live our lives to please Him. We credit Him with everything good. We believe that each person is a child of God, and we believe in treating them as such. We pray, we hope, we love... because that is what He has asked us to do. We believe that our family can be, and is meant to be, eternal. That is what makes our family strong, and what will keep our family together, no matter what.
Teaching. No one dreams for their child to become a bully …or a doormat …or for them to someday become popular, or rich, or to just “blend in.” We want them to be happy and to bring happiness to others. Unfortunately, there is no definitive answer for how to achieve this. Our best guess (so far), is to try to teach them at every opportunity. To teach them that what we do and feel is more important than how much we think we know, or what we have. To try to instill in them compassion, moral courage, forgiveness, responsibility, and confidence in their own potential. I think when a child asks why they have to do something (which is inevitable), they deserve a real answer and an example. We obviously don’t have all the answers, but we can try to teach them what we do know, help them discover their own passions and talents... and hope that someday they will become everything they are capable of.
Trial and Error. I have to include this because it’s the truth. We do not claim to be perfect… or anywhere near it. We make mistakes… all the time. We have left bad behaviors unchecked for too long, and can be slow to notice when our methods are not working. We don’t always follow through. Sometimes our expectations are too high, and sometimes too low. We set goals, but we start over... a lot. Sometimes we lose our patience. Sometimes we are too indulgent. Sometimes we do things that are just plain stupid. But we try really hard. We say sorry when we’re wrong. We try to change what’s not working, we pray about what to do next, and we always make sure there’s plenty of love to go around. That is one thing we know for sure that we’re doing right.
Our arms are aching for another little child to love, cherish, teach, celebrate and spoil (a little ;).
Please share our blog and help us adopt a blessing!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
The {BIG} Questions!
Why adoption? That is the big question isn’t it? … and the most difficult one to answer. Difficult, because there is no right answer and no wrong answer, but so many answers. So many feelings that words cannot do justice to, so many tender thoughts that can’t be left unsaid… In my heart, it is what I have always wanted. My parents divorced when I was young, and I was about 9 when my brother and I began to care for my 3 younger sisters so my mom could go back to work. I quickly discovered that I loved the nurturing role- even though it also meant a lot of work! I loved being the one to make my sisters’ food, fix their “owies,” help with their homework, soothe their hurt feelings, and teach them what little I knew about life. I loved being the one that they could run to for comfort, and I loved knowing that I could make a difference to them. I quickly learned that nurturing also meant a lot of sacrifice, but I didn’t mind. It didn’t take long to realize that I am the type of person who thrives on children’s smiles. The role of caretaker fulfilled, nourished and uplifted me- and made any sacrifices seem small. Through this experience, I knew that I could become a mom, a good mom, to any child. By the time I was 10 or 11, I knew that I wanted to adopt. I didn’t fully understand what that meant at the time, but I did understand that God blesses everyone with different gifts- and I knew that my gift was to love children... all children. I always hoped that someday I would be able to use the gift that I had been blessed with to provide a loving home for someone who needed one.
Why now? Mike and I were married in January 2003 and decided to start our family quickly... biological children seemed like the easy way to start. It didn’t take long to discover that it wasn’t going to be as easy as we thought. After a couple years of waiting and many fertility treatments, we finally got pregnant. I was sick almost every day of my pregnancy and was absolutely thrilled. I loved feeling that little life grow inside me and the experience of bringing her into the world. Sweet Reagan Marie was born just a week after our 3rd anniversary. We were ecstatic, and couldn’t wait to have another one. I thought it had been hard to get her here, but boy was I {{wrong}}! She was easy!! Our subsequent tries at fertility have been more invasive, more expensive, more time-consuming, and less successful. So, why did we wait so long to start the adoption process? Two reasons: #1: It wasn’t time. I know that the Lord has guided us to this decision, at this time, for a reason. We have been praying about and discussing adoption for a long time, and we both feel strongly that the time has finally come. We know it's going to be a long road, and we have a lot to learn, but we are excited to get started. We will do whatever it takes to get us closer to our goal of finding the next member of our family. #2: I am willing to admit that there is a selfish part of me that still hoped for the experience of carrying a baby again. It was a beautiful experience to me and I would do it again in a heartbeat. (Although that is not to imply that I am any less excited to have the experience of adopting a baby. It will be different for sure, but I just can’t imagine it being any less amazing).
Why now? Mike and I were married in January 2003 and decided to start our family quickly... biological children seemed like the easy way to start. It didn’t take long to discover that it wasn’t going to be as easy as we thought. After a couple years of waiting and many fertility treatments, we finally got pregnant. I was sick almost every day of my pregnancy and was absolutely thrilled. I loved feeling that little life grow inside me and the experience of bringing her into the world. Sweet Reagan Marie was born just a week after our 3rd anniversary. We were ecstatic, and couldn’t wait to have another one. I thought it had been hard to get her here, but boy was I {{wrong}}! She was easy!! Our subsequent tries at fertility have been more invasive, more expensive, more time-consuming, and less successful. So, why did we wait so long to start the adoption process? Two reasons: #1: It wasn’t time. I know that the Lord has guided us to this decision, at this time, for a reason. We have been praying about and discussing adoption for a long time, and we both feel strongly that the time has finally come. We know it's going to be a long road, and we have a lot to learn, but we are excited to get started. We will do whatever it takes to get us closer to our goal of finding the next member of our family. #2: I am willing to admit that there is a selfish part of me that still hoped for the experience of carrying a baby again. It was a beautiful experience to me and I would do it again in a heartbeat. (Although that is not to imply that I am any less excited to have the experience of adopting a baby. It will be different for sure, but I just can’t imagine it being any less amazing).
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Welcome to our blog!
I have never been a blogger. In fact, I never thought I would EVER start a blog! It just seems like there are always so many other things more important than blogging. I am happy to say I have finally found something worth blogging for!
We are excited to announce that we are now to trying to expand our family through {ADOPTION}!! We were so blessed to have sweet little Reagan join our family nearly 5 years ago, and now it is time for us to find the other piece that is missing from our family.
Although the decision on how and when to adopt has been in the making for quite some time, the decision to start this blog happened quickly. This page was put up overnight, and therefore, is a work in progress, so we ask for your patience as we slowly add important information to our page. I promise there is more to come!
A note to the Birth Parents: Our goal in creating this blog is to give potential birth parents an in-depth view of our family. We want to give you all the information you need so that you can feel completely comfortable with us before considering us as adoptive parents for your child. We know you have a difficult decision to make, and we don't want to cause any unneeded hesitation or uncertainty for you throughout this difficult process. We know there is a child out there who is meant to be a part of our family, and if it is your child, we want you to be sure. Our goal is to give you all the information you need to know for sure whether our not our home is the right place for your child.
If you have any questions for us, or suggestions for what you would like to see us post about, please let us know and we will do our best to include everything we can. Thank you for taking the time to learn a little bit about us and for considering us as an adoptive family for your child!!
We are excited to announce that we are now to trying to expand our family through {ADOPTION}!! We were so blessed to have sweet little Reagan join our family nearly 5 years ago, and now it is time for us to find the other piece that is missing from our family.
Although the decision on how and when to adopt has been in the making for quite some time, the decision to start this blog happened quickly. This page was put up overnight, and therefore, is a work in progress, so we ask for your patience as we slowly add important information to our page. I promise there is more to come!
A note to the Birth Parents: Our goal in creating this blog is to give potential birth parents an in-depth view of our family. We want to give you all the information you need so that you can feel completely comfortable with us before considering us as adoptive parents for your child. We know you have a difficult decision to make, and we don't want to cause any unneeded hesitation or uncertainty for you throughout this difficult process. We know there is a child out there who is meant to be a part of our family, and if it is your child, we want you to be sure. Our goal is to give you all the information you need to know for sure whether our not our home is the right place for your child.
If you have any questions for us, or suggestions for what you would like to see us post about, please let us know and we will do our best to include everything we can. Thank you for taking the time to learn a little bit about us and for considering us as an adoptive family for your child!!
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