The {BIG} Questions!

Why adoption? That is the big question isn’t it? … and the most difficult one to answer. Difficult, because there is no right answer and no wrong answer, but so many answers. So many feelings that words cannot do justice to, so many tender thoughts that can’t be left unsaid… In my heart, it is what I have always wanted. My parents divorced when I was young, and I was about 9 when my brother and I began to care for my 3 younger sisters so my mom could go back to work. I quickly discovered that I loved the nurturing role- even though it also meant a lot of work! I loved being the one to make my sisters’ food, fix their “owies,” help with their homework, soothe their hurt feelings, and teach them what little I knew about life. I loved being the one that they could run to for comfort, and I loved knowing that I could make a difference to them. I quickly learned that nurturing also meant a lot of sacrifice, but I didn’t mind. It didn’t take long to realize that I am the type of person who thrives on children’s smiles. The role of caretaker fulfilled, nourished and uplifted me- and made any sacrifices seem small. Through this experience, I knew that I could become a mom, a good mom, to any child. By the time I was 10 or 11, I knew that I wanted to adopt. I didn’t fully understand what that meant at the time, but I did understand that God blesses everyone with different gifts- and I knew that my gift was to love children... all children. I always hoped that someday I would be able to use the gift that I had been blessed with to provide a loving home for someone who needed one.

Why now? Mike and I were married in January 2003 and decided to start our family quickly... biological children seemed like the easy way to start. It didn’t take long to discover that it wasn’t going to be as easy as we thought. After a couple years of waiting and many fertility treatments, we finally got pregnant. I was sick almost every day of my pregnancy and was absolutely thrilled. I loved feeling that little life grow inside me and the experience of bringing her into the world. Sweet Reagan Marie was born just a week after our 3rd anniversary. We were ecstatic, and couldn’t wait to have another one. I thought it had been hard to get her here, but boy was I {{wrong}}! She was easy!! Our subsequent tries at fertility have been more invasive, more expensive, more time-consuming, and less successful. So, why did we wait so long to start the adoption process? Two reasons: #1: It wasn’t time. I know that the Lord has guided us to this decision, at this time, for a reason. We have been praying about and discussing adoption for a long time, and we both feel strongly that the time has finally come. We know it's going to be a long road, and we have a lot to learn, but we are excited to get started. We will do whatever it takes to get us closer to our goal of finding the next member of our family. #2: I am willing to admit that there is a selfish part of me that still hoped for the experience of carrying a baby again. It was a beautiful experience to me and I would do it again in a heartbeat. (Although that is not to imply that I am any less excited to have the experience of adopting a baby. It will be different for sure, but I just can’t imagine it being any less amazing).