Our Parenting Philosophy... in a nutshell

It’s funny… as I consider questions that a birth parent might ask me, I realize that there are a lot of questions I have never really asked myself. Some of the answers I know, but I have never put them in to words-and I never realized how difficult that would be. So, what is our philosophy on parenting?? It is impossible to give a complte answer, but there are definitely some principles that are important to us and guide our decisions as parents.

Love. Obvious, I know. Love is something that guides every parent… but that doesn’t mean we can omit it. I can think of nothing more tragic than a child not knowing with absolute certainty that they are loved unconditionally. Every child should know that they are wanted, and needed, and that when they are a part of a family, the world would all but stop turning for that family if that child were not there. Love means celebrating their smallest victories, wiping their tears, and taking time for them. It means being grateful for every kiss and hug, and not caring how much dirt, slime, or unidentified “sticky” ends up on your shirt. It means watching them do hard things so that they can learn to be stronger. Love means sacrificing everything for your children, and knowing (maybe even hoping) they will never fully realize everything you have done for them.

Faith. I am going to risk offending some people by saying that our faith is important to us. Ok, not just important… Our faith is the foundation of our family. We believe in Jesus Christ. We love Him. As imperfect as we are, we try to live our lives to please Him. We credit Him with everything good. We believe that each person is a child of God, and we believe in treating them as such. We pray, we hope, we love... because that is what He has asked us to do. We believe that our family can be, and is meant to be, eternal. That is what makes our family strong, and what will keep our family together, no matter what.

Teaching. No one dreams for their child to become a bully …or a doormat …or for them to someday become popular, or rich, or to just “blend in.” We want them to be happy and to bring happiness to others. Unfortunately, there is no definitive answer for how to achieve this. Our best guess (so far), is to try to teach them at every opportunity. To teach them that what we do and feel is more important than how much we think we know, or what we have. To try to instill in them compassion, moral courage, forgiveness, responsibility, and confidence in their own potential. I think when a child asks why they have to do something (which is inevitable), they deserve a real answer and an example. We obviously don’t have all the answers, but we can try to teach them what we do know, help them discover their own passions and talents... and hope that someday they will become everything they are capable of.

Trial and Error. I have to include this because it’s the truth. We do not claim to be perfect… or anywhere near it. We make mistakes… all the time. We have left bad behaviors unchecked for too long, and can be slow to notice when our methods are not working. We don’t always follow through. Sometimes our expectations are too high, and sometimes too low. We set goals, but we start over... a lot. Sometimes we lose our patience. Sometimes we are too indulgent. Sometimes we do things that are just plain stupid. But we try really hard. We say sorry when we’re wrong. We try to change what’s not working, we pray about what to do next, and we always make sure there’s plenty of love to go around. That is one thing we know for sure that we’re doing right.